Oomins Vs Dust Bunnies

November 10, 2014

Under my bed   When it comes to the relationship between Oomins and Dust Bunnies it has to be said it’s not exactly a happy one that is especially if you happen to be a Dust Bunny.

You see the problem, as I see it, is that most Oomins can’t even see us, and out of all those that do, they see us as….well dust, if you get me meaning.  Which is pretty insulting when all things are considered, you see Dust Bunnies hate dirt and dust just as much as any Oomin.  In point of fact way back, long, long, long ago when the whole world was cover in dust it was us Dust Bunnies that brought the whole sorry state of affairs to the attention of the Oomins that were around at the time.

Oomins can’t even see dust, well not until it settles on something shiny then they go berserk, out comes that long stick thing with what looks like a turkey’s butt on the end, I think they call it Heather or something.  Worse there’s that thing that sounds like ‘Hissst,’ that covers everything in something wet and smells icky, oh yeah, it makes me sneeze an’ all, then the big yellow thing descends and wipes everything away.

Anyway, I digress, because of the fact that Oomins have no appreciation for Dust Bunnies, or worse don’t even know we exist we thought it high time somebody did something about it.

True there is this one guy, Merlin something or other, an Oomin writer who has been trying his best by writing down some of my better known adventures with a young Oomin girl child called Maggie.

Maggie is the only really friendly Oomin I know, OK…she’s the only Oomin I know really, but that’s beside the point, which is that one of her suggestions was that perhaps someone should give Oomins a short guided tour of our world and maybe introduce them to some of the key members of our society.

Needless to say, in the complete absence of any volunteers I got the job.

I’m Floater by the way, Floater by name Floater by nature as they say….long story, no short version so I’m sorry I mentioned it.

DB1Floater.

Right then, if you just follow me and watch where you put your feet, Oh Yeah!  During the tour I’d be obliged if you didn’t sit on anything unless you are absolutely sure it is completely DB free, OK…off we go.

Now for all those who have yet to read any of my Greatest Adventures with young Maggie I will tell you that they take place in this big house where Maggie’s grandfather lives.

Misarden

Most happen in the Nursery, the Library or Maggie’s bedroom, which for the purposes of this tour Maggie says is strictly off limits. So we might as well go straight to the nursery.

nursery

As you can see it is a very big room indeed, and is full of every toy imaginable to suit young Oomins of all ages and interests.  What you don’t see however, is any young Oomins, they have all grown up and gone, all except young Maggie that is.

You will also notice that all of the toys and games are very old, and this should tell you how many years it has been this was a place of young childish laughter. In truth this old house is quite a sad place, full of memories of long ago.

Photo%2031    pram

If we take a moment to glance around the room and take in the major features, over on the far wall you will see a magnificent railway,

kings_cross    DB-pink

that is the domain of McFluff, some of you will have met him before, he’s a big gruff hairy Highlander, who thought that one day the trains here might take him back to Scotland.  Trouble is, as you probably know, they only go round and round…. I don’t think McFluff believes that…but you didn’t hear that from me OK ?

Close to the centre of the room there is that large basket full of doll things, DB-purple     dolls basket

Margo lives there, that Dame Margot Flufftain to you,  she’s French and a little bit scary.  She wants to be a ballerina but according to young Maggie apparently you need feet and legs to be one of those, and if you look ever so closely we Dust Bunnies, don’t have any feet or legs.

Next to the basket is the castle, normally under the command of Major Dennis Fluffington Smythe III, Major Bleedin’ Disaster, if you ask me, which no one ever does, but that’s also by the way.

castle  Bloodnok

I say normally ‘cos once upon a time after one of Whizzy’s mad spells backfired the whole nursery was taken over by characters out of picture story books.  At that time the castle was taken over by someone called the Sheriff of Nottingham who wanted to kill someone called Robin Hood.

At the same time the big Dolls House over there, was full of story book characters, Sleeping Beauty in one of the bedrooms, Snow White scrubbing the kitchen while upstairs the Queen of Hearts was taking a bath.

iplayroom2

It was total pandemonium I can tell you, took me ages to sort it all out.  Yeah …OK  Maggie helped.  Not quite certain but at one point armed only with a rolled up newspaper she managed to swat Tinkerbelle clear across the room and into the curtains over there.  It was one hell of a shot, but I guess you had to be there.

Whizzy, by the way, he’s our resident wizard, he’s as old as dust itself and I have to admit that most of his spells don’t work out the way he plans.   One time he managed to split Dingle in two, and I don’t mean sawn in half.   Now let’s face it one mad green Irish watsit is bad enough but two, both thinking and saying the same thing at the same time…. Boy did that get old in a hurry !

Wizzy   DB-green

Whizzy                                Dingle

Now of course as normality has been restored, the ‘Big House’ as I call it, is the home of the DB Council and a few other select members, present company excluded.

Over there on top of the bottom layer of cupboards you can see a magic box,  the resting place of ‘The Great Fluffini’, magician extraordinaire…

magic set

Yeah Right ! Called himself an escapologist, as I recall he only escaped from that box when Maggie opened the lid… five years he was in there.  Escapologist my hat… I ask you…couldn’t find his way out of a wet paper bag…

Right you lot !  If one of you would kindly give me a lift I will show you the library, a bit borin’ if you ask me, full of them book things, smells a bit funny too, like something died in there, or one of Maggie’s socks.

library   Globe

Over there is the World, according to Dingle, he once told everybody he’d been round the world hundreds of times, turns out he was stuck to that thing for months.   According to Maggie the real world is pretty big and wouldn’t even fit in the house… see told ya Dingle was a dingbat.

As you can see it’s all pretty peaceful in here right now, dead if you ask me, but apparently it’s supposed to be according to Maggie, and she knows about these things.  Mind you, you should have been here when Dingle and Wizzy managed to magic up a Leprechaun, proper chaos that was.  We had tiny little hairy planes flying around up there around them chandeliers, pirates shooting canons at us and all sorts.

ileprechaun2 King Brian ‘imself…

Anyway, last but by no means least, the old Joanna over there in the corner, Maggie calls in a pianoforte, (picture) or something like that, no idea why I can only see one of them.  I never brought up the subject of the other thirty-nine just in case I got the blame for pinching them.

piano

blame for pinching them.

Well Ladies and Gents, that concludes the 50 pence tour, any questions ?

“ If Dust Bunnies don’t have any legs and feet how do they get around the place” ?

Well, there’s all sorts of ways, someone opening a window or door causing a draught works, ifin you don’t mind where you might end up.  Course, the best way is to hitch a lift on a passing spider, or if it’s a long journey involving lots of climbing then a mouse is much better and faster.

spider 2       mouse

“ Mice ? You mean there are mice in here”?

Not at the moment there aren’t, No, but I could whistle one up for you if you like.  I mean Mrs. Mouseling will be off getting lunch ready for her lads, but they won’t be too far away, their names are Ginorm and Enorm… that’s Ginormouse and Enormouse if you want their full handle.

“What about enemies” ?

Oh Yeah, plenty of them, the DB Council for starters, they all dislike me, and the Greasers, that’s the DBs from behind the cooker in the kitchen, they’re not very friendly  and….

“No, I mean enemies of Dust Bunnies in general”.

Oh them, well yes, there’s a lot of them, a lot of Oomins really don’t like us and have come up with a lot of things designed mainly to get rid of us, like Oover, nasty piece of work he is.  Water, in any form, big hairy monsters that like to sleep under beds, thin Maggie called them cats…

OOVERPersian-Cat

Well I reckon that’s about all the time we have for now, thing is Peeps, you need to look a bit closer when you’re cleaning, if it winks at you or quakes, just a little, before you suck it up ten to one it is a Dust Bunny.  On the other hand, if it just lies there looking flat chances are it’s ordinary dust and you can feel free to dispose of it as you want.

You could even knit your own little Dust Bunny, we make great pets, don’t eat anything, won’t shred your legs or pee on your favourite rose bush and we don’t cause any trouble, well hardly ever…..

Please check your feet and clothes on your way out and return any bits of fluff you find to the floor.

I THANK YOU   !

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4 Responses to “Oomins Vs Dust Bunnies”

  1. Raani York Says:

    So great, the latest news about your Dust Bunnies!! I’ll go and re-blog them within a minute! 🙂

  2. Raani York Says:

    Reblogged this on raaniyork and commented:
    Merlin Fraser’s Dust Bunnies are back!! I’m so excited about them and I love them deeply. Find out their latest news on his blog “Oomins Vs Dust Bunnies”. – And have fun!!


  3. Cute and funny. My dust bunnies are more like fur balls.

  4. jacquiegum Says:

    I try not to look my dust bunnies in the eye…and they do me the same favor:)


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