Genuine Insurance Claim Statements

April 9, 2014

insurance 7

Following on from my recent Blog on Student Howlers https://merlinfraser.wordpress.com/2014/03/31/335/ I continue my search for examples that our planet will be in safe hands after us #’Baby Boomer’s finally hand it over.

These are all true extracts from Customer Claim Forms from the top Insurance Companies.

After the accident a lady I didn’t previously know offered to be a witness in my favour.

As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got.

The Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
Other answers from, the same form:
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn.
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo.

Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

I feel responsible for the accident because I was miles away at the time.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road, that’s when I hit him.

I blew my horn but it didn’t work as it had been previously stolen.

I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.

I collided with a stationary tree.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way

I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either was to blame it was the other one.

I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.

I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorry, and another on the woman behind.

I heard a horn blow and was struck violently in the back. Evidently a lady was trying to pass me.

I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

I left my car unattended for a minute, and whether by accident or design it ran away.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog & smothered it with a blanket.

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.

I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.

I was driving along when I saw two dogs copulating in the middle of the road, causing me to crash. I had to ejaculate through the sun roof.

I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.

No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.

On the Motorway I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn’t give way.

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?

The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.

The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

The other car was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again

The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.

The telephone pole was approaching and I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end of my car.

To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

To avoid hitting the car in front I struck a pedestrian.

When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.

I had been out shopping for the garden all morning. I was driving home and as I approached the junction a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision so I could not see the other vehicle.

I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.

I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.

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5 Responses to “Genuine Insurance Claim Statements”


  1. There are some howlers in there Merlin.

  2. Raani York Says:

    Okay, Merlin… this was pretty hilarious… I was roaring with laughter through part of them. 🙂

  3. merlinfraser Says:

    Hi Raani, I think by now most of my regular readers are wise enough not to drink while reading my Blogs.


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