So…. OK You Explain It !

June 29, 2013


Normally I am not one usually stumped for an answer especially when the question comes from a youngster a fraction of my age that looks upon me as the font of all knowledge and wisdom. OK possibly at bit of an exaggeration but the child does look up to me, more so because he is only 4 foot 6 inches tall rather than the odd nugget of wisdom which I toss his way.

Actually I think most of the adoration comes from the fact that I can produce a mean cheese burger from the contents of my fridge and two bits of tin foil all without any help from Burger King, this apparently according to him is Kinda Neat !

His mum, bless her, is kind of cute and works hard on behalf of them both but to be totally honest she is not the brightest light on the Christmas tree , if you get my drift. Besides her life is tough enough staying ahead of the game without answering the million questions that are conjured within the rapidly expanding mind of a ten year old.

Nor is this just help with school homework, although I am at a loss as to what kids actually do at school all day, learning anything of any real use doesn’t seem to be part of the curriculum these days. One of the questions, “Why do they call it the Second World War ?”

My question was how the hell can you teach about WWII without actually mentioning WWI?

I will however concede that one thing the little sod is good at and that is computers, especially games, not games that actually teach you anything of course, but with his wicked skills he is most definitely destined to become a Marine or Terrorist, depending which side he goes to bat for.

However I digress, as usual, what I hear you ask was the question ?

Well it started with computer games, we were talking in broad general terms about ‘Super Heroes’ and ‘Super Villains’ (Villains are Cool, Heroes are Wimpy Nerds, apparently, hence my prophesy that he may take up arms against us not so cool guys).

Anyway, one thing led to another and we turned our discussion to the old guys, Spiderman, Batman, Superman and the crowd that were around when I was a kid.
First question where did they get their Super powers from ?

Easy enough, I thought, Spiderman… well he was supposedly bitten by a radio-active spider and acquired spider senses and abilities. After some minor enquiry about ‘did it hurt,’ apparently he had been stung by a wasp once, a normal one fortunately, and wasn’t overly impressed by the occurrence. I asked him if it would have made a difference if he had ended up with a black and yellow striped butt and the ability to fly ? I took the big grin and the word ‘Neat’ as a Yes, and spent the next few minutes trying to get the image of him showing his butt to all his school chums out of my head.

We decided Batman didn’t actually have any super powers as such, he was just very, VERY, fit and had a lot of really cool and expensive toys. We concluded that he must have won the lottery or something and got bored sitting at home or playing computer games all day.

Then the bombshell, ‘What about Superman ?’

And sweet as you like I walked into the mini mind trap eyes wide open, ‘What about Superman?’

“Well what makes him go ?”

I tried to explain that Superman wasn’t from Earth he was from another planet a long way away that was destroyed by the sun that it orbited. Their sun was red and our is yellow and somehow that made all the difference to him and made him super !

“Yeah, Yeah… I get that but what makes him go ?”

At this point I should have seen the trap closing and stepped back from the edge, maybe offered a Milkshake or something the net of a childish mind was heading my way and at speed. ‘Go ? Go Where?’

“Anywhere… I know he can fly and all that stuff… but How… I mean he doesn’t flap his arms like a bird, he doesn’t have a jet pack or anything like that so what makes him go ?”

‘Gulp !’

In the movies we see him flying around chasing rockets and then flying so fast around the planet he can make it and time go backwards but let’s face facts here… the kid has a point…Even if he can somehow defy gravity and float what is the source of this tremendous forward momentum and how does he stop ?

I mean if it is not electricity is it natural gas… Super Farts ? If so why hasn’t Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen never mentioned it or why have we never heard one ? Can you imagine, even as mild mannered Clark Kent if he was to let one go in the office wouldn’t he blow the wall out or something ?

Does he suck himself forward ? In which case where does all the air go… we’re back to his rear end again and we know that can’t be the answer because in the movies the streak across the sky is always reddish blue and not brownish yellow !

Trust me this issue is not going to go away, a logical answer must be forthcoming or my reputation as a ‘know it all’ will disappear and I will go down in this young man’s esteem and that must be prevented at all costs.

Even if it means me going with the ‘ Super Fart’ theory of propulsion.


10 Responses to “So…. OK You Explain It !”

  1. Good point, after the initial leap where does the propulsion come from? After some careful consideration of physics, *all of 30 seconds worth* a quick think back to the old comics, movies and referencing other superheroes who fly leads me to conclude that, *drum roll* you are right, it has to be farts but of the anti gravity kind. Tiny little ones with the stored energy of mini nuclear explosions or as a result of eating chilli. We also have to ask why did he end up with a super dog, and no one mentions super girl anymore. Then the vexing problem of copulation, if he can fly faster than a speeding bullet, what about… well you get the drift.

  2. merlinfraser Says:

    Thanks for stopping by and confirming just how dumb we were way back then to believe all that rubbish. It’s not chilli for me, cabbage or All Bran works quite well, I have to admit that although I can clear a room I have yet to get off the ground.

    I have no idea where super dog came from or Superwoman for that matter, she was quite cute as I recall and had better legs.

    Interesting question about copulation though, I remember a story about the Invisible man having sex with Wonder woman on the roof of a sky scraper. Superman was flying passed and spotted what he thought was Wonder woman sun bathing in the nude and stopped off at extremely high speed to give her one.

    Surprised she yelled, ” Shit ! Was that Superman ?”

    “I have no idea ” replied the Invisible man ” but my ass hurts !”

    Where’s Jimmy Olsen with his camera when you need him ???

  3. CJ Says:

    Wow…I’d say this is definitely a “super hero” expert question…hope you find one that can give you the answer. Let us know what you find out…hehehehe…inquiring minds want to know (in case we are ever asked).

  4. patgarcia Says:


    I don’t have an answer. Like that kid, I am waiting on you to tell me how Superman does it.
    It will be interesting to hear your answer, and may I say, I am laughing as I write this because I am so glad I am not in your shoes.


    • merlinfraser Says:

      Hi Patrica,
      I was kinda hoping for some inspirational ideas from my friends around here, I can’t believe I never wondered how Superman did it long before now.

      What’s new in your world long time no chat ?

  5. merlinfraser Says:

    Seems my Question has gone Viral !!!!

  6. Jaye Says:

    Hi, Merlin….Per Wikipedia, Superman’s ” Kryptonian body is a living “solar battery” that absorbs solar energies and converts them for fuel for his powers. His cells also store yellow sun energy so he can use his powers under objects, at night, in dark places, and in space.”

    Think that will satisfy the lad?


    • merlinfraser Says:

      Hi Jaye,

      You telling me that DC Comics invented Solar batteries ???? It still doesn’t explain how to turn that stored energy into forward motion
      BTW can you pass on to Wikipedia that power in dark places is supplied by a torch !

      When I put this to the vote in the Pub the other night the Fart theory came out on top.


  7. Raani York Says:

    Hi Merlin,

    I love your blog – and that’s why I nominated you for the Best Moments Award as well as the WordPress Family Award.

    Pick them up – you so deserve them!!

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